So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
