I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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