Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
