Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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(603): So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find. http://tfl.nu/dz78

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(410): View more from Maryland

i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.

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(410): i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are. http://tfl.nu/befb

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?

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(321): I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad? http://tfl.nu/p7vn

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".

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(864): We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me". http://tfl.nu/ag7w

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(870): View more from Arkansas

What's the big deal? you guys fuck

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times

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(870): What's the big deal? you guys fuck (1-870): 3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times http://tfl.nu/e13u

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(303): View more from Colorado

Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?

(509): View more from Washington

You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.

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(303): Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it? (509): You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge. http://tfl.nu/hjyd

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(207): View more from Maine

Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........

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(207): Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010"......... http://tfl.nu/3k58

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(619): View more from California

im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet

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(619): im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet http://tfl.nu/up6c

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.

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(651): You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with. http://tfl.nu/zaia

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.

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(412): So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now. http://tfl.nu/x0w2

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(636): View more from Missouri

It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.

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(636): It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked. http://tfl.nu/8md6

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(908): View more from New Jersey

She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.

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(908): She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass. http://tfl.nu/vr1h

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(615): View more from Tennessee

i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow

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(615): i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow http://tfl.nu/kcra

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos

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(570): Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos http://tfl.nu/gb6j

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.

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(+44): Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed. http://tfl.nu/fgrh

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