If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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