he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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