Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
