even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
