he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
