I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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