walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
