Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
