So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize