Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
