actually, I'm a sock model
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
