Got a toothbrush?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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