I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize