ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
