Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
