Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
