Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
