I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I checked into jail on foursquare
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
