Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
