Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
