So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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