MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
