hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
