Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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