Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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