Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
