everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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