so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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