New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
