my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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