Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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