ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
