Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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