my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
