There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize