i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
