im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
