I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
