no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
