i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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