He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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