Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
