I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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