He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
