The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
