I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
