if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
