Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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