I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
