I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
