i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
