her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
