Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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