Redeem this text for a blowjob
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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