Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
