i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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