Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
