Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize