Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
