There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
